Transmuting negative force
Spiritual anguish
Surrendering the idea of the Holy
The noetic quality of mystical experience
Utter vulnerability: the mystic's
treasure
The dangers of mystical practice
Superstitious and authentic devotion
The importance of meaninglessness
Praying to the world's momentum
Prayer of gratitude for ignorance
Depression
Embrace what the world throws away. Zhuang Zi
One of the most difficult things to deal with
is negative emotion. A negative affective state is most commonly
taken as a clear indication of some kind of failure. Somewhat
surprisingly internal alchemy utilizes the occurrence of negative
feelings as an opportunity to richly enhance spiritual evolution.
When a negative feeling is properly employed as an object of mental
focus, this action initiates an internal psychic process. Once
the process starts, it is spontaneously directed by an internal
dynamic which transmutes the negativity into a force potential,
that can immediately begin to promote positive growth. This transmutation
occurs without conscious direction, and in fact it is slowed done
if concurrent mental rumination occurs. If we intensify and concentrate
our visceral awareness on the specific location and quality of
a pain or anxiety, rather than intellectually mull over the ramifications
of what is happening, the psyche is able to subconsciously transform
the experience into an agent that will begin to heal itself.
Various spiritual traditions have complex esoteric manuals outlining these internal alchemical processes. But the process can be learned by working almost exclusively with the resources of one's own mind. This is because internal alchemy is a natural process, it is like bicycle riding. We don't intellectually "learn" to balance and ride a bicycle, we simply get on and the internal dynamics of our being allow us to self-learn the skill. When we sit on the mind something similar occurs, we begin to spontaneously transform. With protracted effort we learn the art of Zhuang Zi: "Making a springtime of every circumstance."
If you are a dedicated cultivator of mysticism, it is helpful to remember the following: when spiritual forces oppress you it is because you have asked for an inordinate (I am not saying inappropriate) amount of help; the oppression you are experiencing is the only feasible way that you can be moved to attain the high level of ability that you have demanded.
You have been vigorously invoking spiritual forces for assistance. You have been nagging them for help "staying awake." This is good: you have correctly identified the central spiritual challenge, which is remembering to stay continually awake. Additionally you have been badgering the forces for a maximum acceleration of progress in this area. In order to help you progress as rapidly as you have demanded, the forces will have to constantly remind you when you are not awake. And the only feasible way to get enough of your continual attention focused on being awake, (remember, their action is in response to the extreme amount of help that you are demanding), is to oppress you whenever you are not awake.
(If you are content being "asleep" there is no spiritual incentive provided to "wake you up," no need to constantly alert you when you are not awake.)
During certain periods of spiritual growth you will find this help has become overwhelmingly oppressive. At these times of anguish it is helpful to know that when you are finally able to stay awake as much as you desire the oppression will lift. For by that time you will have made wakefulness a deeply ingrained habit, and so it will no longer be necessary to prod you to stay awake. At that point you will have come to appreciate that making wakefulness a habit is a frightfully daunting thing to accomplish. During the most oppressive moments a liberal sense of humor will keep you from being battered too much; when you are in these moments you should have no problem seeing the aspect of humor in your plight.
For those who do not want to endure a high degree of spiritual oppression there is an easy answer. Don't knock so hard on the door of the Spirit.
See also: The
Kesin Hymn
Surrendering the idea of the Holy: a mandatory gift is bestowed on those who can surrender a need for the definitive.
Most mystics implicitly insist on certain imperatives. For instance the insistence that "God is Good." And of course the insistence that "God exists." The apophatic completely rids herself of willfulness by making a series of increasingly profound surrenders. When at last she no longer demands even the certainty of religious values, the fullness of the "unnameable" arises, its presence becomes intensely manifest. The unnameable, now kindly bent to engage the mystic's heart, blesses her with its subtle and yet unmistakable presence; this continually enduring gift is given in response to relinquishing her stubborn need for it to be defined by her mind. Surprisingly, as Eckhart said, the giving of this extraordinary gift is a mandatory response for the giver.
The noetic quality of mystical experience
Mystics who are theists speak of a direct knowledge of God. The noesis of a natural mystic is more modest. The natural mystic does not know if there is a God or not, but he does have the distinct sense, that as a whole the world of phenomena is probably okay exactly as is; he detects an ecology of integrated purpose within it. All of its purported flaws actually appear to be necessary parts essential to its dynamic balance.
Utter vulnerability: the mystic's treasure
Utter vulnerability is the apophatic's treasure; and it is source of danger in the practice of apophaticism.
The apophatic path is vulnerable to the distinct possibility of meaninglessness. The spotless clarity which results from the surrender of all ideation allows the apophatic to attain transparent awareness. Within this sublime awareness the mystic experiences the pure quality of being here. This experience is called the "numinous" or the "mystical state."
Paradoxically the clarity of the apophatic
experience reaches its full intensity just inside the edge of
meaninglessness. Beyond that edge is catastrophe.
The dangers of mystical practice
Be sure to ask your god to warn you how fast she's moving
before you pray for help getting on board. Carla Ansantina
The hazards of mystical practice stem from the fact that the personality must be broken down and then put back together in a more effective pattern. Obviously if the reconstruction is not successful the individual gets into serious trouble; he or she may not be ready for the high levels of volatility and rapidly changing mental landscapes that are associated with the indefinite ego boundaries of the mystical state. I cover this topic pretty well in the Taoist section of this website. Please take a look there for more information: Caution
Superstitious and authentic devotion
From external appearances, it is difficult to tell the difference between an act of effective devotion and a merely superstitious act of devotion. Two worshipers may pray to the same golden cow, one in an effective manner and the other in a superstitious manner. What makes the effective worship be effective, is that this devotee commits his entire being, body and mind, viscera and emotions, to the ritual act. The superstitious devotee makes no commitment, he assumes that by simply mechanistically performing a ritual in the direction of what he believes to be an authentic object, he will be magically rewarded.
It is the quality of the prayer, not the authenticity of the god, that determines the effectiveness of devotion.
The importance of meaninglessness
"You have found purposes for the purposeful, but you have not realized the purpose of purposelessness." Zhuang Zi
"Here we pray that we might be free of God and that we might grasp the truth and enjoy it eternally." Meister Eckhart (translated by Michael Sells)
The human being organizes her world by fitting its parts into categories of meaningfulness and purposefulness. The assembly of these categories results in a hierarchy of values, where some objects and events are considered as valuable and others as worthless dross. At the ultimate end of this artifice of value is a "God." This God takes on many different manifestations, concrete or metaphorical; a God who is either specifically identified and overtly testified to, or whose existence can be interpolated from the devotee's behavior.
A God's specific attributes depend on the tastes of the person who creates it. There is the God of the deists, but there are also the Gods of the atheist, the materialist, the Marxist--- and even the nihilist is certain of an absolute God who insists on the value of having no values. In each of these paradigms the values in the lower hierarchies are rated with reference to the authority of the highest Gods and thus placed along a continuum from usefulness to uselessness; from meaning to meaninglessness. (The nihilist has no continuum; nihilism is the only thing that makes sense (has meaning for) the nihilist.)
The apophatic mystic seeks to annihilate all these dogmatically held Gods, for each of them in its own way provides a dogmatic pretext for devaluing large quantities of the human experience. Each of these absolute Gods sets up a predisposition for not being spiritually present to essential aspects of the uncannily interacting world the mystic finds herself living within. Therefore, to obtain auspicious results, the apophatic seeks to eliminate dogmatic Gods; which is to say, to forget all a priori ideas of meaningfulness and purposefulness. The apophatic not only dispenses with theological Gods, but surrenders all fixed ideas of Gods, relinquishes all prescribed priorities of meaning.
"Store your world in your world and then you can ever lose it." Zhuang Zi
Liberated from the constraints of fixed categories of meaning, the apophatic is thereby immediately disposed to perceive the wholeness of this world of phenomena, a world which continuously intra-acts with uncanny coincidence. When the mind is focused on dogmatic meanings, the psyche misses noticing and thus collaborating with these continuous coincidences. By eliminating a dogmatic God (the epitome of meaningfulness), the entire world is thereby transfigured into an intra-resonating unity, and the splendid radiance of the mundane's potential becomes manifest. As a fixed belief in God disappears every phenomenon suddenly becomes God-drenched; as the hierarchies of meaning and purpose evaporate everything under heaven reaches the fullness of its vitality. In this transfigured world everything "lights up," each item is realized and embraced as the essential, priceless part of the whole that it has always been. No thing or event can constitute a gain or loss. All aspects of this universe of dynamic relationships are essential to the mystic's continuous evocation of coincidence.
Value and significance, for the apophatic is ubiquitous; there is, in the words of Zhuang Zi, "Nowhere where it is not." (Wu suo bu zai) Divinity (immutable value) is found nowhere and everywhere, it is both absent and fully manifest. Realizing and thereby enjoying the stunning brilliance of the world's collective entirety constitutes the mystic's crown jewel. Zhuang Zi calls this gem "quan le," ecstatic wholeness.
Praying to the world's momentum
The act of prayer visualizes the momentum of the world as a force apart from the supplicant. Is this momentum an entity that consciously acknowledges the prayer? Is the momentum "inside or outside the skin" of the supplicant? I only know from experience that the momentum registers the effects of prayer. The response of the world's force to prayer can be perceived as clearly and viscerally as can the response of one's hungry stomach registering its unmistakable reaction to food.
Prayer of gratitude for ignorance
I know nothing. I don't know what will happen
next. I don't know what will happen ultimately. I don't know if
there is a divine realm or not. I don't know if the gods I pray
to "exist" or not. I only know how to be continually
content with this immediate moment.
I don't know how such contentment is possible, (perhaps it is
freedom from knowing and not knowing.) But I am deeply grateful
to whomever might be responsible for my irrational satisfaction.
Depression is a common side effect of intense spiritual practice. If you find yourself not coping with a bout of depression you best seek help, and at the least should consider suspending your practice until you feel better. Going it alone with depression is hazardous and can even become lethal.
On the other hand, if you are sufficiently coping, you will find that depression can be quite useful to your practice. A particularly painful depression can effectively quell arrogance, arrogance being another nasty and quite common side effect of spiritual discipline.
When you find that the bottom has fallen out and you are plunging helplessly into the darkest chasms of hell, notice how you interact with the rest of the world from this perspective. Notice that you are not inclined to tell anyone else what they should be doing. Notice that you have no inclination to tell anyone "what life is really about."
"Enjoy" such insights and treasure the deference you obtain as a result of the miserable ordeal. Carry this spiritually priceless modesty with you when you are able to start the slow climb out of the gloomy pit. This humility you have earned is a precious jewel that is nearly impossible to attain anywhere other then there in the pit below the floor of hell. There its brilliant glow is easily noticed, standing out as it does against the stark background of endless darkness.
Keep this jewel close to your heart and thereby
avoid an unnecessarily large number of returns into that same
awful pit. If you are like me, not very good about keeping a close
hold on the jewel, at least remember to appreciate and utilize
the benefits of your recurring descents into agony. And don't
forget that a sense of humor will save those of us who have an
especially hard time realizing humility and gaining wisdom.
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